A Little Christmas Cheer

So now it’s time for me to write
another Christmas jingle ~
I hope that when you read it
you will get a little giggle.

Santa Claus is on his way
to celebrate with cheer ~
Thank God we only have to do this once a year.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not a scrooge
I just have to say ~
It’s just alot of crazy work
to spend on just one day.

But every year we do it
we fight our way through stores ~
and the traffic goodness sakes my dear
who could ask for more.

We decorate with lights and bows
around the window sills ~
just to get on the first
a huge electric bill.

Sitting now to wrap your gifts
and a moment to escape ~
that’s when you find out that you forgot
the f*cking wrapping tape.

It’s just a few more dayz before
all this crap is done ~
Then I suggest you treat yourself
to a little rum.

That’s if you haven’t already
busted out the stuff ~
If that is true one bottle clearly
just won’t be enough.

So even though your bank account
has totally been raped ~
Go get more booze at the store
and don’t forget the tape.

Once you’ve got your packages
all wrapped up with fine bows ~
You place them underneath the tree
all tinseled and aglow.

Then it’s time to catch a buzz
because you’ve earned it so ~
So pour the rum into the nog
and down the hatch it goes.

But if it happens you don’t drink
let’s get down to the point ~
Kick off your shoes, relax a bit
and smoke a great big joint !

It’s only hours before it’s time
for Santa to arrive ~
You get a grin across your face
because your still alive.

You survived the gruesome traffic
and the crowded malls and stores ~
You survived the kids and spouse
and all your Christmas chores.

And now it’s time to get some sleep
tomorrow is the day ~
You’ll find out all the shit you’ve done
has turned out A.O.K.

Morning comes the kids are up
they wake you at 6:30 ~
OMG they couldn’t have
but yes they did those dirty !

Now all the work you’ve done so far
has now come to a head ~
But halfway through this day you’ll wish
that everyone was dead.

Please don’t fret you’ve done quite well
and everyone’s content ~
Don’t worry that the house is a mess
and your money’s all been spent.

Cause Christmas isn’t the time of year
to trip on all that’s wrong ~
It’s time think of things you love
and cherish all year long.

And even though I may sound
a little like a grump ~
It’s just because I felt the need
to take a verbal dump.

But now I feel much better
and I really want to say ~
I wish I could be with you
this merry Christmas day.