Cakes In The Staffroom
By Brian Moses
Nothing gets teachers more excited
than cakes in the staffroom at break time.
Nothing gets them more delighted
than the sight of plates
piled high with jammy doughnuts
or chocolate cake
It’s an absolute stampede
as the word gets round quickly,
And it’s “Oooh” these are really delicious
and “Aaah” these doughnuts are ace.
And you hear them say, “I really shouldn’t”
or “Just a tiny bit, I’m on a diet.”
Really, it’s the only time they’re quiet
when they’re cramming cakes into their mouths,
when they’re wearing a creamy moustache
or the jam squirts out like blood,
or they’re licking chocolate
from their fingers.
You can tell when they’ve been scoffing,
they get lazy in literacy,
sleepy in silent reading,
nonsensical in numeracy,
look guilty in assembly.
But nothing gets teachers more excited
than cakes in the staffroom at break time,
unless of course,
it’s wine in the staffroom at lunchtime!
