Denial

By Claudia Krizay

My plight isn’t what you think or
What you care to believe-
Just as cherry trees do not blossom in
The month of January or
You cannot dance in the midst of fire, and not get burned-
Your high hopes for me became
Shattered dreams- only because
You did not care to see the truth –
I know it hurt you to believe
I could not build mountains of success, as
From the time I could speak,
Aspirations were extreme-
From the moment I learned to walk-
You envisioned me running marathons-
I tripped and fell so many times, hills were insurmountable,
I tried to rise to every occasion and
To rebuild collapsed foundations-
The pain of constant failure evoked
None but anger, dismay and turbulent moments-
You never realized that every time I danced in
The midst of my own fire, I was burned and
How I would have so desired to see
Spring flowers blossoming in the mid winter-
It was not my choice to falter in every step I took or
To fear climbing a mountain no matter how high or low-
The voices I heard when no one was speaking-
You did not hear and to the depths of my fear
You looked the other way-
My life isn’t the way you think or
What you care to believe-
I weep tears of frustration every single day-
My spirit knows and I feel inside of my heart-
That the reason you had so many dreams for my renowned success
Were not out of abhorrence – I being your one and only child-
I can see through the darkness of my window of pain-
All of the hopes and dreams you had for me were
Just out of love, and there is no shame in wishing for
Flowers to blossom in the midst of winter-

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