Not Everybody Loves To Jog
By Nancy Stahl
Everyone, it seems, is jogging these days.
Everyone, that is, except me.
Now I do know that jogging is good exercise. Good Exercise, while a positive virtue akin to daily bathing and good oral hygiene, does not exactly set my libido all aflutter. It’s not as if jogging would give me whiter teeth, fresher breath or transform a 32A into a 36C.
Besides, I’ve tried jogging. It felt remarkably like running. Running really only makes sense if something is chasing you, such as the gigantic Doberman who came lunging over a five-foot-high barbed wire fence and began frolicking along beside me, coyly slathering.
“Good boy!” I wheezed frantically, with what little breath I could spare.
Good Boy responded by making several fairly impressive passes at my left ankle.
Fortunately, I happened to be passing our neighborhood delicatessen.
“I think it’s wonderful,” exclaimed the deli owner, as I collapsed across a case full of cold cuts and three-bean salad. “Imagine a woman your age out jogging!”
“I’m not jogging,” I panted. “I’m running.”
“You don’t understand. I’m being chased.”
“Don’t be silly!” he hooted. “Who’d chase a woman who’s jogging with such a vicious looking dog?”