The Battle Of The Heart

By Justin Farley 

Oh Lord, my heart quakes with confusion.
My mind twisted with the delusions of desire.
I am a boat that wanders across the sea
Getting rocked by the waves day in and day out.
How do I stay afloat and stand tall
When the waters weather and tire me out?
I begin by leading a battle cry and shout with determination.
But temptation never dies.
It continues to pursue and gain ground
Until I throw my hands up in despair
And declare, “Enough! Do with me what you want.
I am your servant, bound by the chains of the flesh.”
Is this just another test that I’m failing
Or is it the enemy parading through my weaknesses,
Pulling my strings like a puppet without control?

Master, I know you are the water that restores and makes whole.
But what about tomorrow?
And tomorrow’s tomorrow?
How do I continue to flee and remain connected to the ways of the Spirit
When I am constantly being pursued from all sides?
Where do I gain the energy, the courage, Lord
To not just lay down and die?
I do what I hate.
But is this some kind of sick, twisted fate
That I must be constantly battling against myself?
I long for freedom, but freedom seems so far away.
With the dawn of each day
Desire returns stronger than yesterday
And determined to see my demise.
Do you see these tears in my eyes, Lord?
Do you understand my conflicting nature
That juggles back and forth like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
One minute I long to confide in you,
The next you are my enemy, the master who whips me
Into submission and whose power my heart secretly despises.

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