Binge Eating Disorder
I binged today. Normally I’d say, “it’s okay.”
but the truth is that it’s not
I wish it weren’t so hard to stop, but I have a disorder
One that many people just don’t understand.
It’s like I have a hole I can’t fill inside of me
one that keeps telling me I need to eat more
“You’re not full yet, eat this, eat that!” My stomach tricks me
Until it doesn’t and I feel the consequences of my actions.
If only I could stop myself.
The people who think it’s as easy as telling yourself no are wrong
I spend money on food that I think will help me,
try to create a new habit called “eating healthy.”
My disorder just laughs at this.
Because it knows what I’ll do the next time I’m feeling anything
I’ll go order a McDonalds number 3 large,
or go to the grocery and fill up my cart.
I’ll get home and eat it too quickly til I can’t move anymore
Then cry and feel angry that I’m too afraid to throw it up.