How I Make Pizza (With Product Placement And Narration)

First, I coat my hands with Colavita
extra virgin olive oil and stretch the
Lamonica’s New York-style pizza dough
to the edge of my 13-inch Faberware
crisper pan, spreading the dough until
it has a uniform thickness.

My grandmother in my head:
Patience, my child, patience.

Next, I spoon out the Muir Glen sauce—
mmm… organic garlic, oregano, and
basil—and meditatively spread it
over the dough.

Mr. Miyagi in my head: Wax on.

Then I reach into the bag of cheese—
Trader Joe’s Quattro Formaggio,
the best I have found for pizza—
and drop clumps of shredded goodness
on the sauce until I no longer see red.

Bob Ross in my head:
Happy little clumps of cheese.

Lastly, I place the pizza in my Magic Chef
oven—pre-heated to 525 degrees—
and set the timer for 10 minutes.

My stomach in my head: Feed me! Feed me!