In The Age Of Long Hair
By Steven Faraday
Long hair came to the city like a plague.
We pulled at our endless locks and wept.
And the chief of police got his 12-foot ponytail
Caught in the door of his refrigerator.
He screamed and screamed,
And by the time he finally stopped screaming
He had been dead for nine years.
And an innocent man,
Whose name was either Jargle or Ryan,
I cannot recall which
and never want to remember,
Was killed when his extremely long hair
Got caught in the engine of a passing jet,
And he was hoisted skyward
By his mile-long hair.
A Rapunzel in reverse.
All was chaos in the tangle of our long hair.
Our heads were overgrown jungles of hate.
And spiders lived in our long hair,
And monsters ate our children.
And we wished a barber would come to save us
But all the barbers were in jail
For illegally hunting endangered tortoises
On the Isle of Wight
Where Mick Jagger waved to Keith Richards.