Smelling Contest

Some day if your nose
Should “get on a tear,”
And cease doing business,
And shut out the air,
To exclude from its presence
A strong-smelling pair,
Would you keep your mouth shut?
Or, suppose that instead
Of this rank smelling pair,
Your nose should find one
Of them filling the air
With his loud smelling odor,
Then would it be fair
That you keep your mouth shut?
Now, this loud smelling pair,
It’s but fair that I state,
Are the rank cigarette
And his no less strong mate—
Limberger cheese—
Both smell to hell’s gate:
Would you keep your mouth shut?
Now, would you sit still
And let them impose
Upon the olfactory
Nerves of your nose,
While your poor stomach threatened
Its contents to disclose?
Would you keep your mouth shut?