Three Monkeys
By Anonymous
Three monkeys once dining in a cocoanut tree
Were discussing some things they had heard true to be,
“What do you think? now listen you two,
Here, monkeys, is something that cannot be true,
That humans descended from our pure race.
Why, it’s simply shocking—a terrible disgrace.
“Who ever heard of a monkey deserting his wife?
Leave a baby starve and ruin its life?
And have you ever known of a mother monk
To leave her darling, with a stranger to bunk?
Their babies are handed from one to another
And scarce ever know the love of a mother.
“And I’ve never known a monkey so selfish to be
As to build a big fence around the cocoanut tree
So other monkeys can’t get a wee taste,
But would let all the cocoanuts here go to waste.
Why, if I’d put a fence around this cocoanut tree,
Starvation would force you to steal from me.
“And here is another thing a monkey won’t do,
Seek a bootlegger’s shanty and get in a stew,
Carouse and go on a whoopee, disgracing his life,
Then reel madly home and beat up his wife
They call this all a pleasure and make a big fuss,
They’ve descended from something, but not from us.”