What Mania Feels Like
By Anna Lente
Mania doesn’t always mean
Rapid-fire actions,
Inflating grandiosity,
And fast-forward choices to regret.
Sometimes mania means
Wandering off alone,
Answering “yes” to everyone,
And listening to impulse
Instead of reason.
Sometimes it means taking a train
Without figuring out the destination
First.
Sometimes it means blind faith
In con artists.
Sometimes it means craving the divine.
Sometimes it means climbing a mountain
Late at night,
Hoping to touch the face of God.
Sometimes it means hearing God speaking back,
Breathlessly retelling the story to my friends
And having my friends give me that telltale look,
That I’ve “lost my mind” again.
Sometimes mania means dissociations,
Delusions,
And the predictable crash afterwards.
Sometimes mania means my head throbbing
As I realize it’s psychosis, not divinity.
Sometimes mania means crying alone in my room,
As I feel like I am falling apart.
Mania always climbs to a feverish peak.
Then the next morning I wake up in deep depression.
I take a deep breath
And gather my strength.
Mania is done.
Time to endure the depression again.