An Emotional Hemophiliac

Hemophilia runs in the family
A bleeding disorder
I was fortunate
My sister got the gene, not me
She is a carrier
and has mild Hemophilia
If she had been born a boy, it would have been far more severe
But even with her mild disorder
She spontaneously begins bleeding
Without anything even happening to her
I spontaneously begin bleeding too
Even though nothing is happening to me
But you can’t see that bleeding
It’s internal
Not inside my body
But inside my soul.
Or something.
I’m not really sure where it hurts, all I know is that it hurt a lot
People say, just be happy!
Don’t you want to be happy?
Can’t you just ignore it?
NO.
That’s like asking my sister
When she spontaneously gets ****** noses
Just stop bleeding!
Don’t you want to stop bleeding?
Can’t you just ignore the fact that blood is pouring out of you?
NO
just because the pain is not visible
DOESN’T MEAN IT ISN’T THERE.
IT IS NOT ESCAPABLE THE SAME WAY BLEEDING ISN’T
That is why I’m trying to find a distraction from the pain
Because when my sister gets a ****** nose, she just goes and distracts herself with a movie, so she doesn’t pay attention to the bleeding
My point is, though
No.
I can’t just “be happy”
I’m bleeding too
And it is spontaneous and inexplicable