Bulimia

I wish I could explain myself..
I can deflect, the world cannot hurt me..
Their opinions mean nothing;
but mine does.

One minute you’re fine
and the next-
You feel ugly.
You feel fat.
You feel as if you’ve swallowed every opinion.

You give them back.

Tears drip into the toilet bowl
as you envy it.
The way it’s pristine white glistens.

Stop crying. You are pathetic.

You are beautiful now.
Some day I will understand..
Not only why I do this,
but why I care.

I will be perfect!
I’m fixing myself..
I will be pristine white,
perfectly curved,
and everyone will think I’m disgusting.
Like a toilet bowl.