Endo

Every day is the same. Every day my mind aches to focus on something else…anything else. Every day my body waits. Every day my body waits for the pain to begin. Every day I pretend. Every day I pretend I am normal. I pretend this body is not mine. Every day I am reminded. Every day I am reminded that this body is mine. This pain is all mine. When a day comes with no pain I am different. I am me again. I hold on so tight to this me but I know she is slipping away. She can only stay so long. The pain returns and I am not me anymore. I have slipped away again. The pain is all consuming. I look around to see if anyone can recognize my pain. Do they see when they look at me? Do they know? Can they help? I am alone. Here in this body I am alone. Isolation takes over. My thoughts become distorted. My pain taunts me. It haunts me. It is relentless. It is unchanging. I want to sleep. I want to forget. There is no rest. My mind is stronger than my body. It has to be. My body is so weak. My mind fights but my body fails me. Everyday I look to see if anyone can recognize my pain. Can they see it in my eyes? Can they help? Can anyone help me? Sanity is out of reach. I am alone. Every day is the same.