By Anonymous

Worse than a toothache, of that there’s no doubt
Terribly painful it is, this thing that they call gout
Lookin’ all over the internet, a cure I am seekin’
Swollen and red raw, standing out like a beacon

So tender to touch and the pain, it’s so very acute
Can’t go to work either, I can’t even slip on my boot
Doctor gave me some pills, but must be going nuts
May help with the gout but ain’t no good for my guts

Big toe is swollen, red and probably twice the normal size
Sticks out like a lighthouse and the pain, hard to disguise
Every time I bump it the wife smiles, laughs and guffaws
Dam the Gout! I think to myself, If only I knew the cause

Over the years I’ve had breaks, cuts, toothaches and so
I can’t remember any being as painful as gout in the toe
Eager for the pain to go and of course the swelling too
Get a boot back on or at least, a nice loose fitting shoe

So if there is anyone out there with a cure or remedy
Please share, wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy
Terribly hard too, for at night for I can’t get any peace
Can’t have any weight on it, not even the bed sheets

Only heard of gout in our house once, there’s no doubt
Feeling frisky, touched the wife and she shouted G’out
Sound of her scream caused my ears such terrible pain
I have never had the courage to touch her butt again

This Poem Features In: