Period Pains
By Anonymous
Curled up asleep in the blood flow there is a tiny child,
Small enough to crawl into the cracks in fingerprints.
She is delicate and new, growing and selfish.
She absorbs, she grabs, she is greed itself,
Driven by voices that demand she survives.
She has no voice but she speaks to me.
She tells me I am not allowed to cry.
Then there’s tendrils and thorns and bruising spiteful fingers
and even on my knees I whisper ‘it’s not that bad.’
She has grown teeth and bites now, I’m almost sure.
I feel my spirit is in parts, split and filed and labelled.
Reserved, waiting to be sent,
Public property.
But still she tells me not enough, never enough.
No manners, I think to myself, no manners at all.
Rise above it,
But there’s only so far to climb in this box room and the walls are coming closer.
She’s laughing, she says they’re laughing too.
‘I’m not crying though,’ I lie, clawing and batting away tears.
They’re hot, connected to the blood.
It’s too big for my body, it pushes them out and I can’t stop them.
Selfish she says and I’m inclined to agree,
How dare I when there’s all this cleaning to be done?
She warns me don’t let anyone see,
So I’m faster, moving quickly and keeping my back to the door.
Sometimes when I’m braver I nudge and edge up corridors.
Don’t speak I think. There are too many clues,
my voice will tell you everything.
It’s not that bad she says, say it’s not that bad.
She makes me a liar
but panic has set in and triviality is easier than truth.
Easier to lie through laboured breath and rip up tissues.
Selfish I think, more mess to clear up.
I’m just wasting time I admit to the empty room.
Days of this yet and longer every time.
She has lost patience. She bites and pulls me through the door.
I quickly gather myself and shove all the pieces back in before it slams.
The tissues are still in my hands.
One less thing to do, I think.
I’m calm again since the tears made room for the blood,
pressure’s dropped and I think the tiny child is sleeping.
So many chores I think so much to do and it’s not enough.
Never enough.