Talking Herself To Sleep
By Safiyyah Motaib
She takes her bottle of
natural sleeping pills
bought especially to prevent
the temptation to take too many,
for fear of not waking up again
the very next morning
She watches television before bed
because music is too painful
but, her thoughts are too loud
and, the volume on her computer
won’t go any higher
so she slams it shut and takes another one
Talking herself to sleep until
she needs a cup of water
for her dry mouth and cracked lips
to match her tearing heart
of which she’s wrapped in
ice cold bandages trying to hold it together
She writes what she can’t say because
speaking is too easy to misunderstand
and, she might slip up and sneak a peak
into parts of her mind, too scary for some
so she soaks it all up and
squeezes whats left into black ink on
pretty pages
She spits sounds into noises like venom
from a snake meaning to be harmless
but, she can’t help her broken soul
turning everything dark
not even realizing
she’s gotten so used to it she enjoys it
Talking herself to sleep until
she needs a cup of water
for her dry mouth and cracked lips
to match her tearing heart
of which she’s wrapped in
ice cold bandages trying to hold it together
All she wants is to be left alone,
to make mistakes only she can account for;
she chits and chats with those who know her,
but not everybody knows her unless she’s simplified,
so she hides behind comforting lies that make
those who love her smile while she dies on the inside