Toxic Relationship

He knows too well how to push my buttons
He’s tried them all already
When he pushes them my breathing becomes shallow and my heart starts pounding in my chest
I lose touch with myself, the nature, the world. I feel lonely, weak and threatened by everything and anything
He wants me to live in the fear so I can beg him for protection,
So I can run to him every time I am scared
He is toxic, but I can’t let him go

He is always comfortably seated in a corner of my mind trying to find the combinations that will produce fireworks
Sometimes he pretends to go away only to come back and hit me again so I can fall
He let me breathe the fresh air outside of my prison, gives me confidence and gives me a glimpse of freedom only to pull me back inside with my chains
We play hide and seek and I always get found but I never find him
He cut my wings so I can’t fly, so I can always keep him company and be small like him
He is toxic, but I can’t let him go

I stopped chasing him and start talking to him gently and slowly
I realised he could not exist without me, I created him, empowered him and made him a beast
I showed him love, kindness and compassion
And I found myself
I got so big in my own mind that there was no room left for him to stay. He’s gone.