When The Dam Breaks

It started as a singular tear
the one I shed in private
before I knew just how many
more would be necessary
to accommodate my misery
And slowly that tear
became a puddle
and the puddle
became a pond
All full of the saltwater
leaking from my eyes

It stayed a puddle
as I repressed myself
and all the feelings inside,
pretending they were gone
or that I was better,
but how could I be better
without her?
And then I realized
I would have to do it again
and when I did,
my puddle would grow
It would become a lake
and then that lake
would become a river
and that river
would need a dam
because if I cried anymore
I would wash away
and in a lot of ways
I wanted to wash away
because what was my life
without him?

I needed a dam
because adult orphans cry
about their loss
and some days
the dam is the only thing
preventing a flood
But part of me wanted it,
to flood the world
with my anguish
and release it into
an ocean of my own despair
I wanted to watch the dam break
and allow all of me
to spill out
so I could stop holding it all in
A raging current of sadness
that all started
with a singular tear
in a little boy’s eye

When the dam breaks
I will wash myself away
and hope that the current
will take me to them