Worldly Woes
By Ralph Taylor
A little man stood at Heavens gate
with a sad look on his face.
He explained why he wished to enter
such a Hallowed place.
St Peter loosened the golden chain
and slid open the silver bar,
then listened to the story
with the big gate slightly ajar.
Please hear my tale of worldly woes
the fellow sadly said.
I ask that you not turn me away,
but grant me eternal joy instead.
When I was only nine weeks old,
I fell out of my pram,
and ever since that sorry day,
I’ve been in jam after jam!
I had whooping cough when I was one
and chicken pox at two.
German measles also laid me low
and once I had the Asian flu.
My legs were broke in a car crash.
My skull was cracked as well!
When there was a risk of falling,
it was always me who fell!
I’ve spent six years in hospitals
with many kinds of ills!
I rattle when I’m walking
cause I take so many pills!
My wife ran off with someone else.
My only son was jailed.
My wages were impounded
for promises that failed.
I fell asleep while smoking,
the consequence was dire.
The firemen got there pretty quick,
but couldn’t put out the fire!
I lost twelve jobs, I lost my teeth.
I also lost my hair!
In course of time, I lost all hope
and only found despair.
Then I hit the lottery!
Three hundred thousand bucks!
The mailman found me dead from shock,
ain’t that just my luck!
St Peter said “Come in my friend
and share a greater fate”.
“I can’t ” the little man replied,
“My foot’s stuck in the gate”!
His bad luck didn’t end right there,
cause he heard St Peter tell,
“If you don’t know how to play a harp,
you’ll have to go to Hell”!
