I Hate Poems
By Jasper Soles
I try to write a poem,
but poems are too hard
Rhyming is for losers
and airy-fairy bards
To put a pen to paper
and write about your life
I’ve had enough of all of those,
they can only cause me strife
Free-verse script is awful,
for fools without a beat
Repetition’s far too simple
just repeat, repeat, REPEAT
Those lovey-dovey ode-things,
that wishy-washy crap
And poems about hatred,
you all deserve a slap
Spare me all your ramblings,
I don’t care how you feel
Your self-expression surely stinks
of mouldy day-old eel
To tell a tale of wonder
never ceases to be trite
To sing of magic wonders
is nothing but pure ****e
Your metaphors are useless,
your imagery is vile
Your sense of diction makes me gag,
I cannot stand your “style”
So save me your quotations,
please spare me all your rhyme
Shove that poem up your rear
and cease to waste my time
I look at what I’ve written,
this jumble of clichés
Looks like I wrote a bloody poem
so I’m the one to blame!
