Pen Pal

There was a time when my dear aunt,feeling all alone,
Turned to the mail to fine a friend and so the seeds were sown,
Which brought about occurrences which shocked us and surprised;
For who’d a-thought he’d come to stay or that he had devised,

A way to become one of us,part of our family clan;
He thought we would support him if he took Auntie’s hand.
He was a drunkard to be sure,a ne’r do well for certain.
Unwashed, unshaved and smellin’ bad he came a-courtin’, flirtin’.

She rebuffed him straight away told him, “I ain’t your gal.”
“All I wanted was a friend, you were just a pen pal.”
So he began a small campaign to lobby for affection,
From any female in our clan, much to our objection.

My uncles came into the fray, told him that he must leave.
That they would help him pack his bag and took him by the sleeve.
They drove him to the bus depot and even bought his ticket;
But he returned next morning, he’d cashed it in at wicket.

My uncles swore their swift revenge, for him they’d find a cure.
“If you won’t leave our girls alone we’ll kill you for sure.”
My auntie called the State Police and told them the whole story.
They came straight way and picked him up and told her not to worry.

They put him on the next bus out and said, “Do not come back,
For if you do next time we come you’ll leave here in a sack.”
Those boys don’t care a lot for you so heed this warning well.
The swamp lands are no place for you,get out of town, pell mell.”

We never heard from him again and Auntie learned her lesson.
She only wrote to those she knew,her pen pal was no blessin’.