The Hero Cockroach
By Don Marquis
The Cockroach stood by the mickle wood in the flush of the astral dawn,
And he sniffed the air from the hidden lair where the Khyber swordfish spawn;
The bilge and belch of the glutton Welsh as they smelted their warlock cheese
Surged to and fro where the grinding floe wrenched at the Headland’s knees.
Half seas over! Under — up again!
And the barnacles white in the moon!
The pole star’s chasing its tail like a pup again,
And the dish runs away with the spoon!
The waterspout came bellowing out of the red horizon’s rim,
And the gray Typhoon and the black Monsoon surged forth to the fight with him,
With threefold might they surged to the fight for they hated the great bull Roach; —
And they cried, ” Begod! ” as they lashed the sod, ” And here is an Egg to Poach!
” We will bash his mug with his own raw lug new-stripped from off his dome,
For there is no law but tooth and claw to the nor’ nor’east of Nome!
The Punjaub Gull shall have his skull ere he goes to the burning ghaut,
For we have no time for aught but crime where the jungle lore is taught!
Across the dark the Afghan Shark is whinning for his head —
There shall be no rule but death and drool till the deep red maws are fed! “
Half seas under! Up! and down again!
And her keel was blown off in a squall!
Girls, we misdoubt that we’ll ever see town again —
Haul, boys! Hall boys! Haul!
The Cockroach spat — and he tilted his hat and he grinned through the lowering murk,
The Cockroach felt in his rangoon belt for his good Bengali dirk,
He reefed his mast against the blast and he bent his mizzen free
And he flung the cleats of his binnacle sheets in the teeth of the yeasty sea!
He opened his mouth and he sluiced his drouth with his last good can of swipes —
” Begod! ” he cried, ” they come in pride, but they shall go home with the gripes! “
” Begod, ” he said, ” if they want my head it is here on top of my chine —
It shall never be said that I doffed my head for the boast of a heathen line! “
And he scorned to wait but he dared his fate and loosed his bridle rein
And leapt to close with his red-fanged foes in the trough of the howling main!
Half seas over! Down again and up!
And the cobra is wild with her fleas —
The rajah whines to the pukka’s pup,
And there’s dirt in the Narrow Seas!
From Hell to Nome the blow went home where the Cockroach struck his foe,
From Nome to Hell the mongeese yell as they see the black blood flow;
The hawsers snort from the firing port as the conning chains give way
And the chukkers roar till they rouse the boar on the hills of Mandalay; —
And the Cockroach said as he tilted his head: ” Now, luff! you beggars, luff!
” Begod, ” says he, ” it is easy to see ye cannot swallow my duff!
I have tickled ye, I have pickled ye, I have scotched your mizzen brace,
And the charnel shark in the outer dark shall strip the nose from your face —
” Begod, ” says he, ” it is easy to see that the Narrow Seas are mine,
So creep ye home to your lair at Nome and patch your guts with twine!
Begod (says he) it is easy to see who rules this bloody bight —
Come ye again, my merry men, whenever ye thirst for fight! “
Half seas over! Stop! She is queasy!
The Cockroach has dropped in the stew!
Honestly, fellows, this stuff is easy!
The trouble’s to tell when you’re through.
