The Barber Of Calvary
By Lydia Poole
As Christ hung on the cross
At Calvary (where I once saw
Two birds f*cking while I was on vacation),
His gross long hair fell about his face and his shoulders.
A barber came out of the pond.
His shears were bright in the sun.
He saw Christ hanging on the cross
With his gross long hair and said,
“Now I’m going to cut your hair, my friend.”
And Christ said, “Do not. Do not do it. Do not.
Stay far away from me, haircut man.”
But the barber said, “No, I’m going to do it,”
The barber from the pond climbed a ladder
So that he could reach Christ’s head,
With his gross long hair
That smelled like a hot dog restaurant,
And he cut the hair of our Lord
As he hung on the cross,
And Christ kept screaming,
“Stop it! Stop it do not cut
My gross long hair! My disgusting
Rapunzel locks! Do not snip them!” But the barber didn’t listen.
The hair fell from Christ’s head.
Christ had a bowl cut upon the cross
And where the hair clippings fell upon the Earth,
There grew a cactus
